Rediscovering the lost parts of your personality
Returning exiled parts of your personality that were “sent away”
The energies of your disowned natural parts
Four case studies
Natural parts of your personality that get disowned are not totally lost or discarded. It might seem as though they ‘do not exist in me’ but they are still around.
Many disowned sub-
In these case studies the terms ‘self’ and ‘part’ are interchangeable.
The examples in Book G-
At that time these parts were (and perhaps still are) so badly humiliated, shamed, blamed, punished or rejected by family members that sending those unpopular parts into exile, far out of sight, seemed the only way to stop them from causing any more trouble.
After they do this, children discover they are then less likely to be shamed, blamed or punished and that means they seem better able to fit in with their family. The trouble is that having disowned some important parts often leaves people feeling incomplete.
Another energy problem is that whatever you disown remains very much part of your life, but it works in unexpected ways. In particular the great law of energetic balance comes into play and this draws other people with energies like your disowned side back into your life.
So it is no coincidence that some of your disowned parts are often active as primary sub-
All this has a significant effect on relationships, careers and life in general as the following case studies illustrate:
Case 1 -
In Phil’s story, in Book G-
However, disowning does not mean discarding and as he grows up, his disowned ‘independent and adventurous’ natural part will still influence Phil’s life. Like a revolutionary leader in political exile it just operates in more subtle ways that are harder to identify.
For example, the sub-
Phil could also be expected to be repulsed by overly independent women, however he could just as easily become obsessively drawn towards potential sexual partners who appeared very ‘independent and adventurous’. In a roundabout way this will cause independent and adventurous women to be attracted to Phil if his strong organised ‘permission seeker’ is the side they have disowned.
One day Phil is in church when he notices a very attractive and sexually provocative newcomer, Lucinda. Lucinda has some primary sub-
Guess what happens? The great law of energetic balance comes into play. Phil is drawn to Lucinda because she is carrying his disowned parts and Lucinda is drawn to Phil because his primary sub-
The initial contact is explosive for all concerned. Phil suddenly flips into his disowned sensual side and his hard old primary sub-
After a brief and passionate affair, however Phil finds his interest waning, as his conservative sub-
Case 2 -
Ted was an ambitious child who had a strong positive outlook on life. At an early age he started planning to have a successful life. His natural self felt ‘I am empowered. I am going to be successful’. However his parents were both under the control of strong negative inner sub-
Every time Ted talked about his plans his parents became triggered and told him he was too stupid to be a success. Ted learned after a while not to talk about his ambitions, but as he got older he still found himself managing to be successful at sport and school. However he couldn’t help noticing that the more successes he had the more his parents got angry or rejected him.
At this time Ted’s disempowering ‘fear of success’ had already started work with the intention of reducing Ted’s vulnerability (by getting him to disown his empowered successful self). When he left school at 15 and started his own small business, his disempowering sub-
Ted’s parents both heaped shame on him and from then on Ted never tried to be too successful again. He spent the rest of his life working for wages in ‘safe’ jobs. Ted had disowned his ‘Yes I can do it’ successful self.
Case 3 -
Jan discovers that when she lets her adapted peace-
So, Jan’s sub-
Embracing your disowned sub-
Only after you have a sound working aware grown up system on board can you start to re-
Not all disowned sub-
Case study 4 -
Mal is scrupulously honest and very early in life disowned his manipulative rip-
Mal is now working with a new counsellor and after dialoguing with some of his primary sub-
Mal now uses his aware grown up system to allow him to make a partial reconnection with his disowned rip-
The only way to deal with another person whose primary self is strongly out of balance is to let them know that you have access to a similar self or energy even though it is hidden.
Mal might connect to say ten percent of his disowned rip-
Notice that Mal only needs to take in the amount of rip-
Suggestions by a facilitator, that partial reconnection with a disowned self could be valuable or give much needed protection (as in Mal’s case) are often met with strong initial resistance or disapproval from opposing inner selves.
Of course it’s not easy to be aware of what you have disowned, your primary sub-
The ones you want to partially or fully re-
An immediate benefit of balancing is a reduction in obsessive attraction or repulsion towards that characteristic in other people. You also find that type of person is less likely to be attracted to you.
Many disowned sub-
Even the thought of re-